i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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