We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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