mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
