Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
