Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
