Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
