Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
