The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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