You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
