i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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