Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
