Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
