$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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