I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
