cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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