I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
