i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize