i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
