i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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