He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i dont even know how to be here
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
