I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
