You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
