Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
