She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
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No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
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Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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