i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
