Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
