He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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