God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
