First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
