Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
