you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
