Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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