how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
