I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
