i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
