and next time when you feel me up, do it right
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
