I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
