No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
