He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
