I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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