garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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