i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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