1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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