Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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