he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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