Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
