What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
