She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
