Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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