This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
