Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't deserve a penis
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
