ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
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i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
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Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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