I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
