I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
