remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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