I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
