I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
