If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
