he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
