My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
