That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
tell me about the fingering
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