Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
