i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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