Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
