turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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