"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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