The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
and she was petting her beer can
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
