it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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