Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
