My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
