sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
