Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why are your pants in the freezer?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
