I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
