I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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