Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
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I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
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It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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